The Quiz of Gilderoy Lockhart
by ElsaElphieGinny
Summary: Yep, real creative name :) So, in Chamber of Secrets, in the beginning of DADA, they all get a 'little quiz', from the one and only, Gilderoy Lockhart! So, what exactly was it, and what were the questions and answers that this arrogant teacher set? Read to find out! Always able to read by itself, so complete, but will be updated regularly.
1. Hermione's Answers

**Thursday 18 June 2015 (UK Time) AKA, SIRIUS' DEATH ANNIVERSARY! It's 19 years later... :(**

 **AN: I don't own HP or any franchise :) By the way, bold is the question, italic's thoughts, and everything in normal is the actual answer :)**

 **1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?  
** _Oh, I know this! This quiz shouldn't be too bad… he said it was lilac… but he said he really liked pink since someone give him a Valentine in his fifth year? Should I mention that too? I think I should._  
Lilac, though he has always had an attachment to baby pink since his fifth year in February.

 **2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _He's so noble… and yet so normal. A great role model, telling us to have something big, such as saving the world, and something that we can all achieve…_  
To rid the world of evil and to market his own range of hair care potions, such as his egg ones, which were a success, but considered too dangerous to sell in the market.

 **3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _Oh God, what do I put, there are so many! Should I mention the Banshee? Or should I mention the vampire attack? Or when the hags invaded the beach… right. Eeny meeny miny moe, catch a tiger by its toe, if it squeals let it go, eeny meeny miny moe! Okay… that one._  
That's a really hard question, because of all the amazing things. I think that I would have to go with the time he rescued the village in China from a rampaging dragon in December, 1983, and saved everyone, because he risked his life for the children, which touches my heart so much. It's a very hard call between them all, but the thought of anyone sacrificing their life to save everybody is heroic, and this one was the most sentimental, as they were small children who thought it was just a game, and the dragons were like they are in Muggle tales, and he didn't run when the dragon awoke, he fought it valiantly as to stop it harming any of the villagers.

 **4)When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _If only EVERYONE could manage this…_  
When all the evil has gone from the world.

 **5) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _An unfair amount, he should've won since he was born!_ **  
**5, though he was supposed to have won more, but he first insisted that someone else took the award, then stood down from the competition.

 **6) In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _I know this! I love that book!_ **  
**He saw someone about to be attacked by the banshee, so cast a spell to levitate them out the way. The banshee turned on him, and he ran at it, dodging wherever the banshee swiped. He eventually did an extremely powerful stunning spell which completely knocked the banshee out. He then enchanted the banshee, so it was covered in ropes, before letting the ropes take the banshee to the school for bad creatures in Greenland where they stay until they are reformed.

 **7) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _I could do with taking some tips, have you seen my pictures? I look hideous!_ **  
**Gilderoy Lockhart is naturally very photogenic, and as he states in 'Holidays with Hags', his left is better, even though he looks naturally regal for both sides, and he says his worst is the back view. In 1991, there were some campaigners who seemed to hate on him and held a very large amount of jealousy, who said that he was better not in any photographs at all. Gilderoy Lockhart sent them all signed photos of himself from each side to prove them wrong.

 **8) Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _That is an insulting question, everyone knows he'll always win!_  
He wins every time he competes by a mile.

 **9) What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile  
** _If only I were allowed to buy some…_  
He uses Lockhartium, a toothpaste which contains the elements Gildium and Lockhartium, however, he isn't solely dependent on it- he's naturally charming, and is good at brushing his teeth.

 **10) What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _Okay, fine. He's pretty awesome, but I wouldn't go as far as Lucinda went… that's devotion. But if I knew him better, I might… still. I wouldn't, but I would be almost tempted to do that just for the honour of him calling his broom Hermione!_ **  
**The name of his broomstick is Lucinda, in honour of the Spanish fan who gave her life to protect Gilderoy Lockhart from a monster who was about to bite him with poisonous fangs on a tour. Even though he didn't need saving and would've been fine anyway, Lucinda's bravery was rewarded.

 **11) Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _Duh, even if you don't know this, you should be able to guess!_ **  
**Everywhere, his name has a reputation.

 **12) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _You know, cherry is one of the more attractive wand woods…_  
His wand wood is cherry and his core is dragon heartstring.

 **13) What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _Maybe he could coach Harry!_ **  
**He played Seeker, as the team had a bad one, even though he was amazing at every position. He was offered the opportunity to play for the national team multiple times, but he refused, feeling he would be embarrassed with all the fame.

 **14) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book on the list?  
** _Too many times… why can't they leave him alone, they should've got the message!_ **  
**As of 1991, he had been proposed to 528 times when someone offered him a ring, and numerous times without one.

 **15) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _I drove Harry and Ron mad with this, but it is an amazing quote, admit it Harry and Ron!_  
'Everyone's a hero, somehow. A select few are born natural heroes, such as myself, and it is their duty to try and help those with hidden qualities to become a hero. They don't always succeed, which is okay, because then there would be no one to look up to- and imagine a world without the Gilderoy Lockhart fans!' It is a simply marvellous quote, by himself. A lot say that the last sentence simply isn't necessary, and so many cut that out of their inspirational quotes, but some argue that it's just plain true.

 **16) How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _That tactic would work for everyone…_  
His good looks were just so charming that instead of their voices enchanting him, he enchanted them.

 **17) What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _Why couldn't he have been made a Gryffindor?!  
_ Ravenclaw, though the hat told him he had the qualities of all the houses.

 **18) In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _A huge number! I had to go back and reread it, to believe it!_  
712

 **19) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _A perfectly charming one._  
His full name is Gilderoy Preston Montgomery Enrique Lockhart.

 **20)What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Same as me!_ **  
**All of them.

 **21) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _I feel awful, because I looked at some in Diagon Alley, and it was nicely presented and it has an amazing name, but out of the whole section, he had one decent perfume! The rest were horrible…_ **  
**The Gilded Hearts

 **22) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _I like to think the same as me… I'm not amazing, but I'm not deadpan stupid…_ **  
**All of them.

 **23) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _If only I could be like him._ **  
**None of them.

 **24) How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _Because they could see as soon as he was born, that he was special._ **  
**His mother was a witch, and his father was a Muggle. They had three children, and Gilderoy Lockhart was the only magical one. His mother treasured this, as there was someone else to carry on the line after two non magic children. Also, he was exceedingly clever and handsome.

 **25) Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _Only three? I could write a list! Poor thing, worked so hard…_ **  
**1) People were very jealous of him.  
2) He ran out of work in class because he worked so well and quickly.  
3) He was constantly being sought after for advice.

 **26) How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _I wonder if he'll give me a leg up when I'm older…_ **  
**The amount is too large to be counted.

 **27) Name three of those people.  
** _Oh, easy enough!_ **  
**Agatha Christie, Bathilda Bagshot, Cornelius Fudge

 **28) How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _Why don't I have siblings? I would love siblings… what do you think his relationship with his siblings was…?_ **  
**Two.

 **29) Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _Not any from me, but from plenty of people I know!_ **  
**Too many to count.

 **30) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _He would get on well with my parents… why can't we have an open evening?_ **  
**He sometimes worries that chocolate and such will ruin his teeth, even though they won't, but his favourites are the fizzing whizbees.

 **31) What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _My, I was so shocked when I found that they are related! That's probably where his writing talent comes from._ **  
**His great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle's cousin twice removed.

 **32) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _One of my favourites too!_ **  
**Magical Me

 **33) What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _Would the rest of the professors mind if I handed my essays in with violet ink…?_ **  
**Lilac

 **34) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _Is it really that good? I'm not allowed to try it… I wish I could though…_ **  
**Firewhiskey is his favourite.

 **35) In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _Oh my God, is this even a question?! Do they even need to ask?!_ **  
**Yes! It's amazing, and is one of the best collections I've ever read. I predict they will soon be classic books, and compulsory for the list at Hogwarts, such as 'The Standard Book of Spells Grade...' are.

 **36) Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _I had my doubts about whether these exist, but Lockhart assured me they do, but aren't widely known yet._ **  
**There are two, the Gildium element and the Lockhartium element, which are extra elements that are not yet accepted by the wider community, though according to Gilderoy Lockhart, are real elements.

 **37) What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _He was so clever… and brave, even then._ **  
**His first word was at the age of 2 months, which some say is impossible, but Gilderoy Lockhart says he did, so obviously it isn't impossible. His first words were 'Move, Sister!' before heroically pulling his sister out the way of a Muggle about to run her over. More say this is extremely unrealistic, but as you can see, Gilderoy Lockhart is an extremely talented wizard.

 **38) Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _Now, that's generosity! Those are such good books!_ **  
**Some of the Poirot books, Different Seasons, The Polar Express, Equal Rights, A Countess Below Stairs

 **39) Name the 'authors'  
** _Lucky things!_  
Agatha Christie, Stephen King, Chris Vann Alsberg, Terry Prattchet Eva Ibbotson

 **40) How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _I still reckon he should've called in and complained. Is that all he got?_ **  
**'A charming and well-meaning fellow, very generous and with the best smile we've ever seen!'

 **41) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _I think I would get fed up of repeatedly saving people, I would lose patience…_ **  
**He doesn't have a single regret about his job, but sometimes he regrets not going to the national team for Quidditch.

 **42) Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.  
** _Are they purposely asking these, to test us?!_ **  
**Yes! Of course, to both of them.

 **43) Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _Hmm… I guess I should put him, though it's not technically true… I mean, it is a quiz about him…_ **  
**Gilderoy Lockhart

 **44) What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?  
** _I tried it, but it doesn't work for me unfortunately._ **  
**He thinks about all the evil in the world and how he'll get rid of it and give everyone a better world to live in.

 **45) Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _I am so grateful he did! We need a teacher who knows what they're doing!_ **  
**He knew that everyone needed a teacher, and so he must help the needy, but feared that the rest of the world would fail without him.

 **46) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _It's such a noble fear… I'm afraid mine would be more about failing in life… not failing someone… though I guess they could be counted as the same thing… so technically, I have the same fear as Gilderoy Lockhart!_ **  
**He fears very deeply that he might one day fail to save someone, which hasn't happened yet _._

 **47) What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _I hate to imagine him upset… or sad… it's a horrible thought…_ **  
**When someone tries to kill someone, or when someone acts like he's incapable of something.

 **48) What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Ah yes, that's the way to do it! Show 'em what you're made of! It wouldn't work for me, but I guess I could always punch them… joke, I wouldn't do that…_ **  
**They were charmed and stunned by Gilderoy Lockhart's good looks, and was so stunned, Gilderoy Lockhart got his wand back, then minorly hexed the person for trying to steal his wand.

 **49) How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Goodness only knows how he manages that… I can't!_ **  
**He enchants them with a spell that he will not reveal, and keeps them out the way of dirty things, such as soil and such.

 **50) What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _I hope someone will say something similar to me… now, which one should I say? Which quote?_ **  
**'We'll never, ever get another student as talented as you. We never have had one, and I doubt we will. You'll do great things. Make sure you don't let fame get you down! So get ready for the time, Gilderoy Lockhart. We'll be waiting for news.'

 **51) How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _I am going to buy some of that next Summer… I need to use that!_ **  
**He doesn't need to, it's naturally beautiful, but he uses a special comb and special shampoo and conditioner.

 **52) How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Wouldn't you just love to be saved by Gilderoy Lockhart himself?_ **  
**She was saved by him, when she was at a book signing and her family was duelling with another family, and a spell almost hit her as she watched at the side, at the same time as Gilderoy Lockhart stumbled over a pile of books by the door, and went flying, knocking her out the way, he was so eager to save her. He was so desperate to not let someone get hurt, he even hurried to the door from the signing when the duel started, before he tripped and remembered the girl was that way not the direction of the door.

 **53) What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _The type I need to use!_ **  
**He uses a type inspired by him, called 'Locking Hearts'. In that brand, he uses either lemon and strawberry or lavender body wash, and vanilla and honey shampoo and conditioner.

 **54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _Every fan knows when their idol's birthday is!_ **  
**Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday is the 26 January, but we don't know the year, in case people decide they wish to hold it against him, though he has hinted at being in his early twenties, and his looks would agree with that statement. His ideal gift would be harmony between all magic people and Muggles, though he also enjoys personal gifts, such as firewhisky, new robes and quills. _  
_

 _54/54 Miss Granger! Well done, fully correct!_

Hermione beamed as she was handed her test paper back the next lesson.  
"How did you do that? Even _I_ couldn't answer them all, and I'm one of the biggest fans there is!" Susan burst out enviously.  
"I paid attention when reading his books. Susan! He smiled at me when he said my mark _and_ made me raise my hand!"  
"I know! You lucky thing… he actually acknowledged your existence in front of the whole class!"  
"Maybe-"

"Hello girls, do you have an answer for the questions on the board?" Then, before either could answer, he continued. "And sorry about the fiasco with the pixies last lesson, Miss Granger, but I really did have to dash and- err... find something!"  
"No… it's fine. You were just giving us hands on experience." Hermione blushed furiously.  
"Indeed I was! And both of you, congratulations on your papers, you both did exceedingly well." He winked at them, before walking behind them. Susan blushed scarlet too.

"Oh my gosh, _the_ Gilderoy Lockhart just congratulated me! _Me_! Wow, that's just... I'm really looking forward to our Defence lessons now! He's amazing, really!"  
"I know... why do Harry and Ron look bored?" Hermione asked, puzzled, as Gilderoy Lockhart left the boys' desk, also leaving disgruntled expressions upon their faces.

 **AN: Like it? Love it? Hate it? Dislike it with a passion? Will be continued :) Please review, follow and favourite :) By the way, this is Hermione's! Sorry if there's anything wrong with it, I have edited this so many times!**


	2. Ron's Answers

**Monday 22 June 2015**

 **AN: Happy birthday Dudley for tomorrow :) I don't own Harry Potter. Thanks to all my reviewers, AsgardGuardian, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, Raunchel, madnessdownunder2 and softballaddict11 :) Really appreciate it, thanks!**

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?  
** _Oh no... wait, is this seriously the first question? Ha, good laugh this is! I bet the next one will be something like 'what is his favourite animal?'  
_ Rainbow.

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _You're kidding. I just read the questions, and I think they're serious. I think Lockhart is expecting us to answer these! Right... well, he likes rescuing stuff. I bet this is a trick question, and he just wants us to put something heroic but it's something else...  
_ To be able to speak 9 languages.

 **What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _Help me. Wait... this a true achievement!  
_ The time when he stopped my Mum's anger at Flourish and Blotts in the Summer, merely by appearing and talking, putting her in a stunned, awed daze.

 **When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _Retirement age? He doesn't have a job... well, most magically powerful number...  
_ 77

 **How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _Eurgh, he just said that... curse me for not listening.  
_ 8

 **In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _Okay, this really isn't funny anymore... and there are 54 stupid questions! What even is a banshee anyway? Wait... what did he just say... something about smiling...  
_ He smiled at it.

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _Kill me now... please, someone, please...  
_ Left

 **Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _Aha! I get it, he doesn't win, so it's a trick question! He likes these...  
_ Pipped at the post.

 **What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?  
** _Come on me, what does Mum use... well, I'm sure she uses the same one as him, so...  
_ Pixie Dust

 **What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _What, he owns a broomstick?! That is an insult to flyers everywhere! And no... that means he's attached to it... oh no... wait. EW. He rides his broomstick...  
_ Gilly

 **Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _Because they all know he's an idiot.  
_ Because he is known everywhere.

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _Err... unfortunate wording, there! Right... it looks like...I don't know!  
_ Willow

 **What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _NO. He did NOT play Quidditch. Yippee. Is he intent on ruining Quidditch for me? How am I supposed to play Quidditch when I know this git does too?!  
_ Seeker

 **How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?  
** _How the great Merlin should I know that?! Well, it can't be that big if he remembers specifically... maybe it's 0?  
_ 22

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _Oh! I know this! Hermione was quoting this in the Summer, it drove us all mad...  
_ 'Everyone's a hero, somehow. A select few are born natural heroes, such as myself, and it is their duty to try and help those with hidden qualities to become a hero. They don't always succeed, which is okay, because then there would be no one to look up to- and imagine a world without the Gilderoy Lockhart fans!' by Gilderoy Lockhart.

 **How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _Nope, don't know this one... well, sirens sing, so...  
_ He stuffed cotton wool in everyone's ears.

 **What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _Great: not Hufflepuff, he is not loyal... I won't let him be in Gryffindor, plus, he's not very Gryffindorish... he doesn't seem that ambitious... but he's not clever either. Great. Well, he strikes me as a Ravenclaw or Slytherin, definitely not a Gryffindor, don't care if he's ever been brave... huh, probably made it all up... ambitious and sly, or clever and witty? Basically, evil or clever?  
_ Slytherin

 **In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _He had a fan club even then?! Merlin's beard... right, knowing him, everyone in his year... and some other people... there are about 20 girls in my year... but we have a small year...  
_ 43

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _I don't know, maybe Gilderoy Lockhart? What's a likely middle name... what does he think he is?  
_ Gilderoy Marvel Lockhart

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Well he's a DADA professor...  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _He has a perfume brand?!  
_ Gilderoydonia

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _Well, as he's so talented in his books, all of them! *note sarcsm*  
_ All of them

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _I guess, if his best subject's all of them...  
_ None of them

 **How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _What, that's just sexist! I feel sorry for them... why is he sounding proud about that, that's sick! We aren't supposed to live in that type of society!  
_ They were sexist and believed that boys were better than girls.

 **Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _Ha... how about 1) He's an idiot, 2) He was an idiot, 3) He will be an idiot?  
_ 1) He kept losing his quill  
2) One of his dormmates snored.  
3) He kept getting lost on the way to his common room.

 **How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Not many... but there has to be an answer, right? And according to the next question, it's more than three... well, there's a surprise in itself!  
_ 21

 **Name three of those people.  
** _Right, how many famous people do I know? Or better yet, who have my parents mentioned who are famous at work...? Blank. For goodness sake, apart from Dad's boss, who else can I write down? Do I really have to go for the 'making it all up' tactic? Right, schoolbook list... well, isn't that helpful! All by Lockhart... wait, except...  
_ Celestina Warbeck, Cornelius Fudge, Miranda Goshawk

 **How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _More than 1? I think we're safe with 2... or 3. I'm gonna go for...  
_ 3.

 **Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _He counts? Right... let's do the maths. He got 43 for Valentine's Day when he wasn't famous. Let's say... eurgh.  
_ 143

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _I bet he likes stuff where he can 'save' people... he could save someone's tongue from being severed...  
_ Acid Pops

 **What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _What? They're related?! Thank Merlin for Hermione giving me that lecture about A Winter's Tale, or whatever it's called... and about he was alive in the... 1500s?1600s? This is horrible. How many greats should I add?  
_ Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather's uncle's mother's niece's son.

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _When does this torture end? Bookity bookity books... a famous book? Kay, fine. Well, I'm sure he has a lot in common with Hermione, seeing as she's so fond of him.  
_ Hogwarts, A History

 **What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _Err... probably the same as his favourite colour. Yeah, and that works, as rainbow ink is cool!  
_ Rainbow

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _What have people talked about when they go to Hogsmeade?  
_ Butterbeer

 **In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _In my opinion... hmmm... well, I am sick of this quiz...  
_ No.

 **Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _What the Merlin, I swear that doesn't even exist!  
_ Iron

 **What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _For Merlin's sake! This is ridiculous, probably like mama or something! Well, he was a mother's boy...  
_ Mama

 **Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _Crap, what Muggle books do I know? None. Make up time...  
_ The Wedding of Mr Little, Life's too short, Blueberry Shirts, The Bed, The Blackcurrant Tree.

 **Name the 'authors'  
** _Shoot. How am I supposed to make up names like that?!  
_ Addison Little, Nera Morte, Morrise Bleu, Oona Creepa, Raisin Leaf.

 **How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _At least we're off the book questions... how does he describe himself?  
_ 'Charming and brave'

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! Calm... okay, what does everyone regret?P  
_ Not getting a girlfriend before the good looking ones were taken.

 **Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.  
** _Yes, totally, didn't you know? OF COURSE NOT YOU BL**DY IDIOT!  
_ No to both.

 **Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _What, how is this even related...?  
_ Harry Potter

 **What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?** _  
FOR MERLIN'S BIG SAGGY UNDERPANTS THAT HIS MOTHER FORGOT TO WASH! WHAT THE HELL!? WHY WOULD I KNOW?  
_ He counts his luck

 **Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _Is this really bothering anyone else? I wish he hadn't. Eurgh, I give up! Be proud of me for lasting this long...  
_ He took it because he needed a job and was reluctant because he can't teach.

 **What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _What's a really strange thing- no! I have it! Mind you, I am slightly scared of it...  
_ Himself

 **What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _Having to mark these tests because no one knows everything about you! Nope, not even Hermione could ace this test...  
_ Seeing people don't know his life story

 **What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Err... who wrote these questions?! Why do I want to know why someone stole his wand, too much information! And tried to insult him...  
_ They got detention

 **How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Does he? Well, I never checked! I bet he uses nail polish or something...  
_ He uses nail polish.

 **What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _Err... this is torture. Really. I would rather have Snape detention, which is saying something... well, what's traditional?  
_ Good luck.

 **How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _He curls his hair every night and makes it sit like a tiger in a zoo!  
_ He brushes it.

 **How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _No! I have the perfect story! I can do this... I should totally get marks for creativity!  
_ There was once a little girl called Sisley Andrews who was forced into making an unbreakable vow. However, Lockhart found a loophole in it, which released her.

 **What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _What does everyone use? Ewwwwww... get that image out my head, I do not need it!  
_ Orange

 **When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _His birthday… no one knows, no one cares… his ideal gift… how about a nice book?  
_ His birthday is 7 February and his ideal gift would be a quill pen.

 _9/54- not amazing, but particularly well done on the ones you got right: 3, 11, 13, 15, 22, 23, 27, 38 and 39. You should really read more of my books._

"What did you get right?" Ron asked Harry, as they were handed their tests back.

"All the ones where you flatter him enedlessly…" Harry shrugged, as they switched tests. "Still don't get how Hermione managed to get 100%. I thought even she couldn't."

"Well, she's Hermione, isn't she?"

"Still. Why the hell would we know what he thinks at night? I tried that, but really, it was absolutely rubbish most of what I put down."

A grin spread across Ron's face.

" _Some people_ who I won't name kind of gave up pretty early on… so I would've loved to be a fly on the wall when Lockhart read them!"

 **AN: Like it? Dislike it? Anything wrong with it? Also, just to clear it up, Lockhart accepts anything that flatters him, so even though Ron's books didn't even exist, Lockhart thought Ron might think he wrote them, so...**

 **Thanks again :) Follow, favourite, comment, etc pleaseeee :D**


	3. Harry's Answers

**Sunday 28 June 2015 (UK time)** **  
But let's pretend I'm somewhere else, as it is literally like half midnight (probably approaching 1am by the time I post), and I want it to be the 27th. SO...  
** **Saturday 27 June 2015, aka, Dobby's birthday, and anniversary of the release of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone :D**

 **AN: Thanks so much to Jily71102, AsgardGuardian, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, Raunchel, madnessdownunder2, and Guest (yay! My first ever guest reviewer!) I don't own HP or any franchise, though I am working on it :) Also, just to clear things up, Ron made his books up, but Lockhart accepts anything that makes him look good :) ON TO THE STORY...**

 **1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?  
** _Err... wow. I thought I would flunk this, but if these are the questions... I actually have an excuse! Right, his eyes... they're blue. He's so vain... he probably thinks the world is about him... so his favourite colour is probably that.  
_ Blue

 **2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _He has an ambition? Right, it'll probably be something... like... err... if he's all famous, I'm sure he'd like a nice break... and at the same time, do something unusual...  
_ To ride a unicorn through the countryside

 **3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _Achievement? Wait! This morning in Herbology, Justin was going on about some werewolf...  
_ The time he stayed cool and cornered a werewolf in a telephone box.

 **4) When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _Which job? Right, how about, when he... wait, why am I even bothering with this? I don't even know... well, he probably plans on retiring... err...  
_ When everyone gets bored with him

 **5) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _Hey, he literally just said that!  
_ 5

 **6) In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _Hang on, that's one of his books! Well, how do people normally banish things... hmm...  
_ With a spell

 **7) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _Okay Harry, think back to a few minutes ago... when Malfoy was giving the signed photos... which side did Lockhart stand...?  
_ The front

 **8) Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _Err... is this what I wish or what he probably did? I mean, he's a butt, but his books say he's good... so...  
_ He has won before.

 **9) What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?  
** _I wonder! What do you put on a toothbrush? Is he even asking?! What is wrong with him...? Does he think we're dumb or something?  
_ Toothpaste

 **10) What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _No. He names his broomstick. How dare he!? Ew, he can't! My broomstick no longer has a name!  
_ Bob

 **11) Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _I can literally think of one reason... and the fact he's a prat!  
_ Everyone has read his books and knows how great he is.

 **12) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _How many wand woods exist? Eurgh, all I know is mine and my mum and my dad's... well, what type of trees exist?  
_ Elder

 **13) What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _What, Lockhart did not play Quidditch! I swear he's making that up, if nothing else... it's ridiculous, how are we supposed to believe this?! Well, what build does he have? Not particularly sturdy, so Keeper's out... eurgh, forget it!  
_ Chaser

 **14) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?  
** _Wow, are they that devoted? That's strange... like, really. He counts though? This is pathetic, I have better things to do than this quiz...  
_ 102

 **15) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _I know this! I don't understand why Hermione likes it so much, Lockhart, I understand, but Hermione?!  
_ 'Everyone's a hero, somehow. A select few are born natural heroes, such as myself, and it is their duty to try and help those with hidden qualities to become a hero. They don't always succeed, which is okay, because then there would be no one to look up to- and imagine a world without the Gilderoy Lockhart fans!' by Gilderoy Lockhart.

 **16) How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _Err... I don't remember that. Like, really. I dunno, maybe he bargained with them? Ha, I don't have anything better to put down I guess...  
_ He made a deal with them

 **17) What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _Oh, Hermione was complaining about the fact that he's not in Gryffindor and that he's a Ravenclaw to me earlier while Ron was getting annoyed...  
_ Ravenclaw

 **18) In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _God, no. Not these types of questions... I don't understand... who would count anyway? What number would he like?  
_ 182

 **19) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _I'm guessing it means his middle name too? Eurgh, let's make it up... he probably changed his name as soon as he could...  
_ Gilderoy Sparkle Glimmer Lockhart

 **20) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Duh, what is he a teacher of?  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **21) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _Perfume? He has a PUBLICISED scent? Is that what he always smells of? That sounds weird, I don't go round smelling him! But is that how he smells? It was horrible. Well, Hermione said his favourite flowers were roses...  
_ Rosie Posy

 **22) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _His name is PROFESSOR Lockhart of DADA, I wonder! Seriously though, I do... I'm not gonna put Defence. If that's his best, we will have a very incompetent teacher... he obviously had no idea what he was doing with those pixies! Let's think, he was talking to Sprout earlier...  
_ Herbology

 **23) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _Oh, the almighty one wouldn't admit to having a worst subject, not ever you know!_ _Ha, but what is it really? McGonagall hates him...  
_ Transfiguration

 **24) How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _Let me guess... I have a variety of answers for this, but which to go for? You know, I'll shove it all down and then that way, he'll mark it right anyway... self centred git...  
_ He was handsome and better looking than his sisters, he had a much more charming personality and his sisters weren't magical.

 **25) Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _Three problems he faced at school. Aw, was poor ickle Locky bullied? And he couldn't handle it, even though he's done all this stuff? Yeah, sure. Well, imagine I were self- imagine I'm Draco Malfoy. What would I put? Saint Potter. Right, well. APART... hey, there's one! But what else... let's pretend to be Malfoy!  
_ \- Not everyone liked him cause they were jealous of him  
\- Many mistook his brilliance for arrogance  
\- He had many untalented schoolmates

 **26) How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _No one's famous because of him apart from himself! Ew, what do I put... wait. It's more than three apparently... wow. How about... what does he want? But I have to name some...  
_ 40.

 **27) Name three of those people.  
** _Flip, who do I put? What to do... what to do... well, will he care?  
_ Voldemort, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore

 **28) How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _Let's go with the normal amount, everyone has 1 or 2... kinda. Not really. But he must have more than 1. I'm gonna go with... eurgh, I feel sorry for them, I really do... imagine having LOCKHART as your brother...  
_ 2

 **29) Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _A million and three... it has to be an amount... well, apparently he replies to fanmail. He can't get THAT much if he replies...  
_ 50

 **30) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _He's human! I don't know any... what do they like? Well, the only Wizarding sweets I'm familiar with... he's too much of a wimp for Bertie Botts... I'll stick with safe stuff.  
_ Chocolate frogs

 **31) What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _How does anyone even know who Shakespeare is?! I didn't know he was famous among wizards too...  
_ Some type of great (x however many) -grandfather

 **32) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _Err... he prides himself on being literate. And on being smart. Let's think of a classical book...  
_ Oliver Twist.

 **33) What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _His eyes are blue, his favourite colour's blue, it's probably the same! Meh...  
_ Blue

 **34) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _Wizarding drink? I literally know 2 or 2... won't be Pumpkin juice... so, alcohol? I think Gred and Forge- no, Forge and Gre- no, Fred and George were talking about smuggling some firewhiskey from Hogsmeade if we win the Quidditch cup this year... firewhiskey? Bu t it's alcohol, he's probably too good for that... what else did they want to smuggle?  
_ Butterbeer

 **35) In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _Yeah, let's just say 'no' in a quiz about him... it did ask for my opinion though... but I might as well try not to get the lowest mark in the class!  
_ Yes.

 **36) Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _No element is named after him... I think? What even is the periodic table anyway? You're supposed to learn about it in Muggle schools, but... I know... Hydrogen. Nothing else.  
_ Hydrogen.

 **37) What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _What was my first word? I wish I knew... sometimes I wonder. Do you reckon my parents ever told anyone? Their friends? McGonagall? Dumbledore? Kept a record of it? I guess probably not... his first word? Normally it's a person, right? Well, what will suffice?  
_ dada

 **38) Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _Shoot, I have to name Muggle books... I can do this. Better than some people will do. But wait, I don't know when books are written... forget it, he won't care!  
_ Pride and Prejudice, Oliver Twist, The Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, Mary Poppins

 **39) Name the 'authors'  
** _Ah. What authors? I don't even know half of them... well, guess, I guess... wait, why's someone looking at me? How long have they been looking at me for?  
_ Jane Austen, Darles Chickens, Mary Colin, Diana Montgomery, Jane Banks.

 **40) How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _Why would I know? Probably something very good... knowing this. Why is everyone looking at me, seriously!  
_ 'A good idol.'

 **41) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _No, great. I realised and I can't unrealise. What is it? Do I have something on my nose? Ew, concentrate Harry... what does everyone regret at least once...?  
_ Getting drunk in a professional place.

 **42) Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.  
** _Quit looking at me, what have I done?! Eurgh, no I don't, but... might as well. I'm bored.  
_ Yeah to both.

 **43) Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _Oh gosh... that's why people have been looking at me throughout the test! Ha, should I put myself just to annoy Lockhart? But how does this relate to anything, I bet if loads of people put me, then I'll get hauled in for a 'talk' about it... and deflating my head. The bum... well, to be honest, there's no contest for who I've met...  
_ Albus Dumbledore

 **44) What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?  
** _I wish people would stop looking... and what kind of a question is this? I don't even want to know what some people will put down for this...  
_ He counts sheep

 **45) Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _He took it up because he was threatened and he was reluctant because he was a fraud! There! Should I write that down? No...  
_ He took it because he was asked as a favour by Dumbledore but was reluctant in case someone else wanted it.

 **46) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _He admits to being scared of something? Poof, not likely!  
_ Nothing.

 **47) What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _Oh, how badly it must hurt when someone doubts his ability! I'm sorry, but what happened to him? He seemed to be fine on these adventures, I mean, he completed them well... but how has he changed so drastically? Maybe he's nervous, or maybe his talent comes when it is greatly needed...  
_ When someone says he's bad at magic  
 _Ha, I'm resisting the temptation to write a sad face there so badly..._

 **48) What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Tried, being the key word, meaning Lockhart stopped him. How did he do that? I wonder... well, that is what the question's asking, isn't it? Okay... well, probably something heroic... well, what did I do last year when I was fighting Quirrel...? Okay, can be something similar to that then? Plus a new touch.  
_ He stopped them by touching them and then their body burned at his touch because he's so powerful that a touch from him could kill you.

 **49) How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Are they in good condition? I generally don't check that... okay, well I'm sure it's just something simple, I mean, a lot of people have nice nails...  
_ He doesn't bite them.

 **50) What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _Oh, which professor? I wonder... this is funny, but really... I hope he doesn't mark them in the lesson, it wouldn't be good... I'm sure they were very glad to be rid of him quite honestly, so what would they say without being too rude?  
_ 'Hope you enjoyed Hogwarts, bye.'

 **51) How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _He brushes it 100 times a night... err, I'm sure he just has some hair- wait, question 53, he does! Right, that settles it!  
_ He uses his own brand of shampoo and conditioner and makes sure to brush it.

 **52) How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Who is Sisley Andrews? Where is she from? Well, what could it be apart from him rescuing her from a beast...?  
_ He rescued her from a beast.

 **53) What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _His own! Duh, I'm sure... and it'd be named after... Oh! His own name and his favourite type of flower!  
_ The Rose-Heart

 **54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _His birthday... well, not during the Summer certainly, or I would know about it... and some girls have been talking about his Christmas present, so sometime between Christmas and July... and his ideal gift would be... err... I think he... oh! He's writing, he wants a new quill to make up for that hideous one!  
_ His birthday is May 28 and his ideal gift would be a new quill.

 _15/54- not a good result, but not terrible, especially as judging by everyone and their marks, this was a very hard quiz, so don't worry about it! Congratulations for questions: 3, 5, 8, 11, 15, 17, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 35, 38, 39 and 42! Your answer for number 51 and some of the others were very close, but not quite correct! Keep it up!_

Harry and Ron half scowled, half laughed at the expression on Seamus and Dean's faces when Lockhart left them.

"Ha, spoke to you too now, did he?" Ron smirked.

"He's mad, he's barking mad, I'm telling ya!" Seamus snorted. Dean gave him a push.

"Oh, lighten up Seamus. I thought it was funny. What mark did you get? And what did you get right?"

"I got 15." Harry said. "It's stupid, he obviously didn't do that properly... most my books were written in the 1800s!"

"True..." Dean agreed, "but really, you have something else to worry about. What'll Hermione say about your marks?"

 **AN: Sorry about the awful ending... just that part's hard. Do you think I should scrap it? Can you say if I should keep the end commentary in your review? Please do review, favourite and follow :) Is there anything I can do better? Anything you want me to change? Comment it pwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssseee!**

 **Oh, and there is going to be a HP stage production called the Cursed Child coming out next Summer! It's called the Cursed Child, and I'm so excited! Who else is?! Okay, I'm leaving for tonight :D See you all soon :) Don't forget to review, favourite and follow, I like updating at night, because you wake up and check and you have loads of reviews and stuff ;) It makes me happy... ANYWAY.**

 **Bye! For real :D**


	4. Draco's Answers

**Sunday 19 July 2015, probably about 12.45 by the time I post, UK time.  
AN: I'm so, so sorry I haven't updated for ages! Updates should be coming quicker now I'm on holiday, but... read the end AN please. Anyway, thanks so much to Iris Stardust, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, AsgardGuardian, Petethehotdog and Guest for your reviews, they really helped when I wrote this :) Sorry if it's a little meh though... anyway:**

 **1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?  
** _I will say this for him, he has picked a good favourite colour...  
_ Lilac

 **2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _Ah, maybe I didn't quite read that deeply... yes, I'm certain he has the same ambition as me, I mean... he's famous, and I should be too some day...  
_ His secrets ambition is for Rumbleroar the lion who talks to let him ride on his back.

 **3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _Oh... of course, there are a lot to choose from! Unfortunately, I don't waste my time with his achievements... there was one, I believe...  
_ The time he saved himself and a hotel from being eaten by a lethifold in hiding.

 **4) When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _Oh, I read this. He would be good to have on our side. He seems to be very enthusiastic, which I like. Shame he's devoted to STOPPING the dark forces... still, my Father will hear about this question, maybe it's a hidden message...  
_ Never, until all evil is gone from the world.

 **5) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _Duh... he literally just said that... "Me..." ya da da da... "5 times winner of witch weekly's most charming smile award... but I didn't get rid of the bandon banshee by smiling at her!" Still, I was talking to Wayne, and apparently he said the same thing when the Puffs and Gryffindors had their lesson. Ha, he probably memorised a speech!  
_ 5

 **6) In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _Not by smiling at her. Should I put that down? No, I get it, he thought no one would put it down because he wanted to test us! I should have been a Ravenclaw! But, I shouldn't have cause I'm a Slytherin!  
_ He smiled at her.

 **7) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _Best side? For photos? Oh, well, Potter was handing out signed photos... and Draco, that was completely irrelevant so... he was standing on the side... err...  
_ Left

 **8) Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _Yes, I'm sure he's won it! This is getting slightly annoying now... how many questions are there? 54?! What the actual... this is ridiculous...  
_ He has won.

 **9) What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?  
** _Err... famous? That's painfully true, Mother showed me an article about his teeth... I think he used some type of bleach thing like some people say I use on my hair which I don't.  
_ Bleach

 **10) What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _Well, I'm sure it's something to do with his secret ambition, so...  
_ Mars

 **11) Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _Well, why is he famous? The same reason, duh!  
_ He writes books.

 **12) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _His wand wood is... I should've studied wandlore, shouldn't I? Well, my father will hear about this when I tell him about how I've failed in an old historic tradition! Wait, didn't he say it was a waste of time... on no circumstances am I answering this!_

 **13) What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _He played Quidditch? You learn something new every day. I guess... he was probably a keeper, most likely for him.  
_ Keeper

 **14) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?  
** _... and this is related to DADA, totally! What even is his latest book? I thought we were supposed to look for the actual lesson, not the stuff about him...  
_ 87

 **15) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _I know only of the quotes... how about... err... Celestina Warbeck, Mother loves her and I'm sure he does too! So, what's her cheesiest quote?  
_ 'If you mix fire with passion and sparks on the side, devotion comes out and true love adheres, to the person and lover, but if wrong- beware, look out for a life of great sorrow and tears'  
By Celestina Warbeck

 **16) How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _Don't sirens enchant you with their voice? Yeah, so he probably- hopefully- was logical.  
_ He moved away from them.

 **17) What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _Eurgh, Crabbe is still on question 5, he just picked up his paper and flashed it at me... good thing we aren't in Transfiguration or something or he'd have gotten himself detention... imagine! I wonder how it must feel to have a brain as backwards as his... honestly, he literally answered that question in his beginning speech! How ridiculous... oh! I know this, of course, every true wizard knows about famous authors and their houses... Father and Mother always made sure I knew all the important stuff.  
_ Ravenclaw

 **18) In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _... that is so old class who sends card for Valentine's day?! The idea...  
_ 71

 **19) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _Again, I was taught the important stuff! Wait... by full, it only means first, middle and last, right?  
_ Gilderoy Enrique Lockhart

 **20) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Duh, you know, I'm beginning to wonder what I'm doing. This is kinda a stupid test... no wonder Granger's doing it... well, what does he teach?!  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **21) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _He has a perfume brand? Wow, why do I not have one if that person does?! This is an injustice! My father will hear about this...  
_ Perfumania

 **22) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _Same as question 20, what is this?!  
_ DADA

 **23) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _You know, I'm beginning to think this isn't a worthwhile quiz, it hasn't helped me at all!  
_ Potions

 **24) How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _He is? Well his sisters have to be pretty bad for that to happen...  
_ His sisters were mean

 **25) Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _Eurgh, I bet he's a Mudblood lover or something... and he probably also has some tragic backstory because every hero... eurgh, Potter... has one. And what does... erugh, honestly, forget it!  
_ 1- he was teased because of what he believed  
2- he had a tragic life  
3- he always got dumped by girls

 **26) How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Oh, people are famous because of him? Mother and Father never mentioned this... well it can't be too many then.  
_ 19

 **27) Name three of those people.  
** _Oh dear, I know how to apparently name them! What a tragedy... well, who are some famous people who Mother likes- well, her favourite singers are... err... oh yes, them.  
_ Celestina Warbeck, Melena Pine, Adam Pollo

 **28) How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _I bet it's something stupid like the Weasley family... maybe he has 6 sisters... but we would've heard about his siblings, and... hmmm...  
_ 4

 **29) Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _Okay, honestly. What. Am. I. Doing? Why would I need to know how many letters someone ELSE gets?  
_ 91

 **30) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _Oh, I'm sure he likes those sweets that floss your teeth for you! Father says they're good for you.  
_ Tooth flossing mints

 **31) What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _Muggles! And tell me, why would I care about that? I mean, he obviously didn't change the world that much, or Mother and Father would've mentioned him... right? So he can't be that famous...  
_ Second cousin

 **32) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _He seems like quite a... well, he's a Ravenclaw, he probably likes educational booms and stuff...  
_ The Standard Book of Spells Grade 7

 **33) What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _Duh, he's writing in orange in that portrait.  
_ Orange

 **34) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _You know, my father is going to hear about this, this is an outrage! We are paying good money to buy these schoolbooks! NOT that it matters, but this place is really going to the dogs! How is this getting a good education!?  
_ Water

 **35) In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _Well, I can't deny he has a good writing style, Father always says to appreciate the good- not that type of good, but good as in well written and such.  
_ Yes.

 **36) Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _What in Hogwarts is the periodic table? Like, a timetable or something? So that would mean lesson, so which lesson is named after him? Duh!  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **37) What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _Well, it was probably his name- I mean, me, Mother and Father- all our first words were abbreviations of our names...  
_ Roy

 **38) Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _Ew, Muggles! What is Dumbledore playing at, letting Lockhart ask us these types of question?! Merlin, there's something wrong with life... I refuse to answer, I don't care about Muggles! I. Re. Fuse._

 **39) Name the 'authors'  
** _Not applicable.  
_ N/A

 **40) How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _Eurgh, this is hideous. How am I supposed to know how he's described, I don't read Witch Weekly now, let alone when I was 10! And not even the month?! That's just mean...  
_ A charming and nice haired man.

 **41) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _This is such an annoying quiz, his biggest regret is probably like not saving the world or something, I have better things to be doing with my time!  
_ Not saving everyone

 **42) Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.  
** _Wow, this is... interesting. Personally, I wouldn't, no. He is a hero I guess though...  
_ He's a hero.

 **43) Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _Is he expecting me to say him? Cause I'm not saying that. I guess... err... Albus Dumbledore, fool as he may be. Honestly!  
_ Albus Dumbledore

 **44) What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?  
** _Err... hopefully what any sane person does... it's what we all do...or he should, if he's worthy to a wizarding name! Every wizarding family has the sprig of lavender... right?  
_ Smells the enchanted lavender

 **45) Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _Why is obvious, he was offered the position, but why he was reluctant... hmm... probably because he didn't want that absolute disgrace of a wizard to be boss of him...  
_ He was offered the position so he took it but was reluctant because he didn't want a boss.

 **46) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _Wow, the world has ended! Everyone queue up, Lockhart's announcing his biggest fear! Surprised he's admitting it though... probably something like failing knowing him...  
_ Not winning witch weekly's most charming smile award ever again

 **47) What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _When someone steals his awards probably... this is getting really boring, ew... do I have to finish this?!  
_ When he doesn't win something

 **48) What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Well, I'm not going to ignore the word 'tried'... so obviously Lockhart stopped him... eurgh, why am I even bothering with this, only nerds like that Granger and Weasley and Potter will bother doing this properly...  
_ He decided to be a good boy and get the teachers

 **49) How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Funnily enough, that's not the first thing I thought of! I dunno, he probably uses some spell or something...? Might as well put it down.  
_ He uses a spell.

 **50) What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _... I don't know, what was it? Probably something along the lines of good luck and then praising him to the heavens... eurgh.  
_ Good Luck, we'll miss you, you're amazing, we all love you.

 **51) How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _Aha, trick question! He's going to say it's natural, isn't it? I'm not a Slytherin for nothing, I know when someone asks a trick question!  
_ It's natural hair

 **52) How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Wow, she must be pretty important to be mentioned by name- and pathetic, this is a complete and utter waste of time, my father will be utterly ashamed when he finds out about this!  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart saved her

 **53) What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _He actually lets us know?! Wow, shock horror! It's at times like this I wish I had a mother who obsesses over Lockhart... but obviously I don't because that's an absurd thing to think and it's so stupid and why would I want a mother like the stupid Weasley woman or the Muggle Granger or Potter's dead Mudblood mother, no, I like my mother and she's one of the only decent ones in the world, geez !Okay... calm down...  
_ He uses pineapple and coconut.

 **54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _Yes, I'm at the end of this stupid test... thank Merlin. But I still have questions... right. Just hurry up and shove something down!  
_ His birthday is the 10 December and his ideal gift would be a quill pen.

 _11/54- well done Draco on questions 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 17, 25, 27, 35, 49 and 52! Some of them, such as with question 25, I was lenient- that should have said 'girls ditched him because they couldn't stand the fame' or something similar, as with a lot of the other questions where you should've expanded, but some I just couldn't give you. An admirable effort!_

 **AN: Hey... so I decided to cut the end bit, and I think I'll take Petethehotdog's advice, and do separate chapters and maybe add multiple ones in.**

 **BUT, one thing. So the good news is, I'll hopefully write loads during the holidays and I'm hoping to update tomorrow/later/soon to make up for my disappearance. However, I have personal issues right now, and I'm kinda really worried. Inevitably, it's going to happen, but I don't feel like going into it right now, but I'll tell you when it does happen because I'll probably be off for a few days or something. I'm sorry for the time I've been off, I'm not going to go into excuses :) Anyway, sit back and enjoy the next few chapters that should be coming your way shortly**

 **Kay, comment, follow, favourite, etc pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Is there anything I can do to improve? :D Kay, I'm gonna retire for the night now :) Byeeeee :D**

 **~ElsaElphieGinny**


	5. Percy, Penelope and McG get involved!

**Monday 20 July 2015, aprox 6.15pm, UK time**

 **AN: Wow, I have had a very productive first day of holiday. I basically changed out of my pyjamas like half an hour ago :D Yep, I know :D BUT some of the day was spent writing fanfiction :DIn the short time since I last updated, thanks to petethehotdog and Iris Stardust, and also for the silent readers, especially Hades Child99, FeudalEraArcher and Tenshi-Oujosama for following and favourting (don't think that's even a word, but whatever...) :D  
Oh, and now there are some drunk people outside my window slapping each other! Yay.  
By the way, sorry for the simply poor quality of this writing, it isn't normally this forced... this is kinda like a filler chapter that I started and didn't have the heart to discard. I'm gonna do the staff room confrontation at some point too.**

"Ron, Hermione, _do_ stop arguing!" Once again, Percy couldn't have any peace because of those three. And he had already been pushed past his limit.

"She started it." Ron muttered childishly, while Hermione gave a shrill laugh.

"I started it? _I_ started it? Oh Ron, grow up and just go and revise some more! Just because you can never do well in a test, and I happened to revi-"

"Good Merlin, I'm not arguing because you got 100%!"

"Oh, sorry, it's not- it's because you got a _stupid 9_!"

"Wait, what's this?!" Percy's attention was momentarily diverted from his bad mood. "You got 9 Ron? Out of what?! 10, I hope! What subject? Do I need to write to Mother? Oh, do speak up Ron, stop mumbling!"He added irritably.

"Out of 54 in Defence, okay?! And this girl went and got full marks somehow, and now it's my fault for not revising!"

Percy closed his eyes, not willing to insult a teacher or not wanting to offend Hermione and give off the impression it's alright to just get 9 in a test, but he did fully agree with Ron. But still- _how did anyone get 100% in that?_

"What did you do in your lesson?" He asked Hermione.

"We did the quiz, and then Professor Lockhart gave us some experience with Cornish Pixies-"

"Rubbish!" Ron snarled. "He released a cage of pixies and expected us to deal with them!"

Percy's eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

"Okay, get down to dinner or you'll be late. I will talk to... an appropriate person about this."

As soon as they'd gone, he went to an old classroom to meet one of his fellow prefects.

Minerva McGonagall sank into her chair and groaned. As a teacher, she had never had such a bad few first days back- that is, not counting the time when James Potter and Sirius Black accidentally poisoned the Giant Squid in _their_ second year, or when there had been a brawl between two of her colleagues in front of all the students. Either way, her first days back had been pretty awful.

So it had started with Potter and Weasley crashing a flying car into that stupid tree. But unlike some- or one- of her colleagues, her immediate first reaction hadn't been anger (though that had come later). It had been worry, concern, and a mental battle as she wistfully compared Harry Potter and Weasley to James Potter and Black, before remembering what Black had done.

Then, Severus had a go at her for not being harsher with her house (like he would've been!) and Gilderoy had grown even more bigheaded then he had been when she had taught him.

Two days into the term, she wasn't much better off. Pomona, Filius, Charity and Aurora had all come to her in a fury about Gilderoy who had been trying to 'teach them how to teach their subject in front of the class'. Then, Gilderoy had decided to turn the staff room and everything in it fluorescent pink, fluorescent yellow, gold, silver, bronze and black, insisting he was going for 'house unity'. Minerva had stormed out the room as they were rounding on him and changing it back.

She had just decided to sit down with a cup of tea, close her eyes, be comforted by the fact that Gilderoy Lockhart would be gone in a year, when her peaceful silence was broken by a knock at the door. Her eyes flew open, and she called for them to enter. To her relief, they were just two prefects who had probably come to report on something.

"Weasley, Clearwater. Take a seat. Is there a problem?"

"No, not a _problem_... we have a... no, not a complaint, more of a... err, a _query_ about one of our lessons..." Percy Weasley shifted, as though he was uncomfortable questioning one of his superiors. Minerva groaned, already having a hunch about where this conversation was leading.

"Yes, which subject?"

"Defence-"

"Ah, yes Weasley." She knew it. She still wasn't free from that fool, even away from the staffroom. She gave a resigned sigh. "I'm afraid that Professor Lockhart is your teacher, and while his manner may be slightly... _infuriating_ , he is your teacher and there's nothing I can do because he obviously knows what he's doing, he's qualified, and-"

"But Professor- as prefects, we feel it is our duty to report what the rest of our houses believe. I myself was talking to my brother- oh, err, Ron, Professor- and apparently in the test that was given, he got 9 out of 54."

"9?!" She had to admit it, even she was shocked by that, but she recovered quickly. "Really Weasley, then the material should've been read more thoroughly."

"Professor... Percy and I, as you know, have a tendency to do well- well, as you said, currently isn't 86% an Outstanding for Defence Against the Dark Arts?"

"Indeed, Clearwater."

"Unfortunately, I believe only a few would've received an O- in fact, as far as we know, only two pupils received 100%."

"You two?"

"Err, no Professor. Hermione Granger in second year Gryffindor, and Mimi Adler in fourth year Hufflepuff. We didn't even scrape an O, let alone a high one!"

Minerva could've cried at how much trouble Lockhart was making for her. She was slightly puzzled- Mimi Adler, unlike Granger, wasn't known for her brains- but was thinking about the more important issues.

"You two called me here because you didn't get an O and because Ron Weasley got 9 out of 54?" She inquired faintly. Clearwater flushed, and Weasley took over again.

"Not exactly Professor. The actual test is the reason we came to you. I don't have a copy of it with me now, but-"

"Really Weasley, I cannot control how hard Lock- _Professor_ Lockhart makes his tests!"

"Professor, the test consisted of things such as 'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour' and 'How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to?'"

Minerva almost spat out her tea in disgust- not really surprise, it didn't surprise her.

"And according to Percy's brother Ron, and the rest of the second years who aren't obsessed, he left them with Cornish pixies and ran out of the classroom." Clearwater added. Minerva bit her lip.

"And there was nothing to do with any of his actual work on the test?"

"Yes Professor."

"And he made the second years deal with them?"

"Yes Professor."

"He has taught nothing to anyone?"

"He hasn't, Professor."

"You are excused." Weasley and Clearwater nodded before leaving, and Minerva stood up, shaking. She wasn't just angry. She was furious. She flung open her door and stomped back to the staff room. After, she was just very glad none of the pupils saw her.

 **AN: Yep, sorry bout that long AN at the top :)  
Okay, so first, thanks to petethehotdog for the ideas (by the way, can I just say that petethehotdog and Iris Stardust are really awesome usernames? Sorry...) and I think they are good ones :) I'll probably follow them through, but I had this chapter kinda written and didn't particularly feel like starting something else. However, I have kinda started Crabbe and Goyle (they'll either be really fun or really boring, sorry...) and I liked the Hufflepuff idea! And the letter thing is amazing, seriously! Your review opened up so many new ideas and paths that this story could take!  
Oh yay, now my dad's blaring out tango music for no apparent reason.  
I am imagining the tango music and the drunk people stuff in posh, stereotypical English accents and it's hilarious. Sorry. I'm gonna stop with the long AN thing...I hope to update really soon again :D  
And I love all my reviewers, favouriters and followers, and it would be great if I could get some moreeeeeeeeeeee :D Merci beaucoup :D**


	6. And now the staff room joins in

**Thursday 23 July 2015, sometime just before Midnight, UK time**

 **AN: Heya. Thanks to my reviewers Sherlock-it's a girl's name, petethehotdog, AsgardGuardian, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, Jily71102 and Iris Stardust. I have an excuse for how crappy this chapter is, but I promise they won't be like this anymore, okay? If you're interested, read the bottom AN. Thanks. I'm sorry it's so long though :) You don't have to read it, though that's why it's at the bottom.**

To Minerva's relief, her colleagues had changed the colours back to normal, and seemed to be having a civilised conversation, as they all listened to Filius. She tried to sneak in unnoticed, but... well, her relief was short lived as Gilderoy looked up.

"Minerva! Where did you _go,_ I had something to discuss with you! You see, we were having a most charming discussion, and I thought we should scent the staff room with my perfume of the Gilded Hearts- you can choose the scent, of course-, but they all said I should put it past _you_! I'm sure you'll agree with me, won't you Minerva?!"

"However, I did remind him that Rolanda is allergic to that brand and it'd be too much trouble. She is, _isn't she_ , Minerva?"

"She is?" Her brain was too tired to function properly, but as Pomona gave her a meaningful look, she continued. "She is indeed, Gilderoy. I'm afraid precautions would have to be made or else Rolanda would be taken ill and she wouldn't be able to teach."

"No worries about _that_ , Minerva. I would be perfectly happy to take on Rolanda's role as well as my own!"

"Yes, but you wouldn't be able to fit it into your schedule." Aurora intervened quickly, as both Minerva and Rolanda looked outraged. As he opened his mouth, presumably to argue about how he would make space, she quickly changed the subject. "I'm sorry, but I'm sure Minerva would want to know what we've been talking about. _Filius,_ care to explain?" Filius opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted.

"Oh, we've been about to talk about our days teaching, ah, good times Minerva! The-"

"She asked Filius." Septima growled, through gritted teeth. Finally, he seemed to understand enough was enough, and Filius continued.

"Anyway, as I was saying before, there was a bit of a disturbance, and I have reason to believe that the Weasley twins-"

"No worries, no worries! I'm sure I can convince the young Weasley twins to stop being such a bother!" Lockhart gleamed his teeth at all of them, ignoring their stony expressions.

"That will not be necessary, Gilderoy. Filius was merely talking about his first day of teaching." Minerva said coolly, hoping to prevent him from going on. His smile didn't falter.

"Come now, Minerva, of course it is! Even young Potter-"

"I'm sure everything you have to say is _fascinating,_ particularly about Potter. Indeed, you are very alike in a lot of ways," Snape cut in harshly, "so would you tell us about _your_ first day? I have heard some rather strange things about your lessons today, and would not like to hear the rumours confirmed."

That jolted Minerva to her senses and she remembered why she had come in the first place, but Gilderoy had already started talking.

"Of course, Severus! So, I woke up this morning to a flock of owls delivering my normal fanmail, but the ones I opened expressed deep sorrow at me being away, as some were pining for me, and-"

"No, you blithering fool! Not _your_ day!" Pomona spat. "Your _lessons_."

"Those are not half as interesting- but alright, of course!" He added hurriedly, finally cottoning onto the fact that the teachers were not as easily charmed as the students. "So, I had most the years today, I believe I had half the first years, all second, half fourth, half fifth, and the NEWT sixth- rather a busy day in all!" He gave a gay laugh, which no one returned.

"So Gilderoy... I, like Severus, have heard some rather strange rumours. Would you care to tell us what you were teaching today?"

"Oh, Minerva, don't fuss! Well, I was hired to teach a subject, so I did teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, honestly Minerva, what did you think I would teach, potions? I'm not sure Severus would be ple-"

"What _topics_ , Gilderoy. What did you do in your lessons?" If Gilderoy had been wise, he would've backed off, but that wasn't the case.

"Well, I gave all the years a little quiz! They have been very behind on their teaching you know, so many of them did badly... only three pupils got 100%, Mimi Adler, Hermione Granger and Janis Lowe. Rather surprising, if you ask me. So after that, I went back to my room to freshen up a-"

"And Gilderoy, what was _on_ that quiz?"

"Let's see a copy of one of the fully correct quizzes, shall we?" Poppy broke into Minerva's interrogation, giving her a wink.

"Oh, of _course_ Poppy, but unfortunately, I don't have them with me..."

"Gilderoy, which Professor was that?" Filius asked in a light hearted tone. All the other teachers turned round, as did Gilderoy.

"Pardon?"

"Which teacher said this to you when you left in seventh year? I don't recall anyone saying that."

"Saying what, Filius? Gilderoy?"

"Oh, you don't have to read it aloud Filius..."

"I insist." Filius winked at him in an imitation of Gilderoy himself, before turning to the rest of the teachers. _"_ _We'll never, ever get another student as talented as you. We never have had one, and I doubt we will. You'll do great things. Make sure you don't let fame get you down! So get ready for the time, Gilderoy Lockhart. We'll be waiting for news."_

There was suddenly an outbreak of coughing among the staff.

"Who said that, Gilderoy?"

"Yeah, who said that?"

"No one you know, I'm sure!" Gilderoy attempted to pass it off with an airy laugh.

"Oh, of course, having taught at this school since before you were here _we_ wouldn't know any of the teachers, would we?" Minerva inquired sarcastically. Before Gilderoy could answer, she snatched one of the quizzes, and leafed through it. She let out a squawk, of disbelief and disgust.

"You're telling me _Hermione Granger_ wrote this?" She asked in shock.

"Of course! Very smart one, that girl!"

"What the _hell_ is the periodic table? I'm afraid I find this rather confusing Gilderoy, care to explain?" Pomona simpered, knowing very well what it was.

"Err... it's a Muggle thing with elements."

"Oh, I see! And how did you expect all the ones from wizarding families to know that?"

"Read my books, but-"

"Gilderoy Lockhart, pray tell me, in which year were these elements introduced?" Minerva stood up, hands shaking.

"Pardon, Minerva dear?"

" _Don't you dear me_!"

"What has he done now, Minerva?" Septima asked.

"Oh, most Muggle children even don't know the periodic table, let alone _wizarding_ children who are supposed to know made up elements, such as Gildium and Lockhartium!"

To her surprise, Charity started laughing.

"Get some of them out, I'd love to see what some people said in answer to these questions!" She managed to get out between giggles. Giving her a strange look, Minerva took Gilderoy's second year pile, and took one at random. Her mouth twitched.

"Dear me, Severus. Your Malfoy ... these answers are amazing!"

"Ah, bless him, he thinks the periodic table is about timetables! And hey, Aurora, someone else likes Celestina Warbeck!" Blushing, Aurora chucked a pillow at Pomona.

"Indeed. I wonder what darling _Potter_ wrote." Severus lifted it in the air scornfully, before reading some aloud. "What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret? Getting drunk in a public place."

"Admit it, that's pretty funny." Minerva nodded. "And stop trying to embarrass the boy, he did better than Malfoy!"

"You think that's a good thing? I personally find that the person is better the lower they get in this." Snape sneered.

"Well, Ronald Weasley got lower than Malfoy, thank you for admitting that he's better!" Minerva shouted triumphantly, having found his paper.

"You know, there's rather nothing wrong with doing well in my test, so-"

"Oh, Gilderoy, almost forgot to mention something-"

"Yes, Minerva?"

"I have heard about your, err... episode with the Cornish Pixies in class today with the second years. And I'm frankly shocked you couldn't handle them. Of course, I'd say nothing to the students, but just imagine if one of them heard me- err, say one heard me talking to dear Pomona here, about how much your skill has decreased since your latest battles."

"Indeed. And then if I were casually to comment to Minerva about how it makes me wonder about whether or not you weren't just sponging off people in the first place, and the overhearing person just happened to get the wrong end of the stick and tell everyone!"

"What a tragedy that would be, Pomona!"

"I do so hope that doesn't happen Minerva!"

"But imagine if it did... the whole school would find out, and then it might get to the newspapers and the world would think Gilderoy Lockhart a scheming fraud and we couldn't have that, could we Gilderoy?"

"... err... no, Minerva, ma'am."

"Good. Just I fear something might just _happen_ if you continue with that type of attitude."

Gilderoy gulped, his face blanching all the while.

"Of course... I will just be in my office... brushing up on my skills and preparing my classes..."

As soon as he left, the rest of the staff rounded upon Pomona and Minerva.

"That was brilliant-" Charity started, before she was interrupted by Septima.

"And very unprofessional."

"Aw, come on, you know we wouldn't have actually done it! We wouldn't do that..." Pomona winked round the room.

"Well, I'm not denying we're sad to see him leave..."

"Nope, it was funny when you gave him those accusations. If you ask me, he needs to let go of what he's previously done because that's not going to impress us here." Irma spoke for the first time, having been buried behind a book previously.

"You should've both been in Slytherin." Rolanda grinned.

 **AN: Ha ha, how appalling was that? If it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, then yay it was still difficult to write. My excuse?  
Okay, so last chapter I said something about something bad happening. A close relative of mine passed away literally about an hour after I updated, and we were not expecting it that soon. A few weeks, maybe, but not that soon. I've been spending this whole week with my parents, as my dad has only one other sibling so it's divided between him and my uncle. I'm coping fine I guess now, but my writing is going weird and I don't know when I'll next update, but it shouldn't be more than a week or two. I'm hoping to get back on track soon. Thanks a lot, and I hope you understand and don't desert my story. Thanks again  
xxx**

 **I also want to say I am so grateful if you're reading this story and everything, and especially to my reviewer, followers and favouriters. believe I've mentioned them previously, for example in my first AN, and because you've all been so great, if you're reading this AN now, then go and check out each other's stories. Trust me, if you have a story in my fandom and you've reviewed or followed or favourited, I've read it, and you're all amazing writers.**

 **I'd like to particularly recommend (having been reading these for such a long time) AsgardGuardian's 'The Survivors' (an AU after Deathly Hallows), SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001's 'How Soul Mates are Found' (a Jily fanfic) and Iris Stardust's 'The Diary of Lily Evans' (because of course, you're going to update very soon, aren't your Iris Stardust ;)**


	7. My father will hear about this!

**Wednesday 19 August 2015... like quarter to 2am, UK time**

 **AN: Well shoot, isn't this awkward? Almost a month later... I have excuses, seriously! I was going to update just before I went away, BUT I didn't realise someone was coming (we were going together) at midday, I thought it was like evening! And yeah. While away, I wrote a bit (:D) but forgot my password so I couldn't log into my account on my phone :(  
ANYWAY, I swear I won't leave it this long. In fact, I swear upon the River Styx I will update again really, really soon, tomorrow/later even. Thanks to everyone who reads this, especially my reviewers petethehotdog, AsgardGuardian, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, Iris Stardust and Jily71102 :D**

My dear Father,

I know I have already written to both you and Mother informing you of my first few days, but I have something I would specifically like to bring to your attention. I did seriously consider letting Mother know as well, but I believe this will come out in its own time. I wouldn't want to worry Mother, especially at present. I believe she's still furious about last year. And it took you so long to recover from her rage, I know you hate to see her upset. Which is why I think it better if you ease the news out to her gently.

I know she was thrilled when she found out about who my new teacher would be for Defence Against the Dark Arts. You told me you both went to school with him, and Mother was delighted at the prospect of me turning out like Professor Lockhart- a not so special someone at school, so quickly developing into a dashing young lad. However, this is not to be.

Excited, I walked into the classroom, waiting for a lesson full of mystery, but was instead greeted by a cheerful smile. Shrugging it off, I sat down- and can you believe it?! He gave us a quiz. A quiz! We had half an hour to answer the questions (I have enclosed a copy of my one). Seeing as Mother made me read the books, I was ready to answer the questions- I could easily have answered 'in which year was Gilderoy Lockhart's first adventure', or 'What was Gilderoy Lockhart's most famous adventure'- but I really had no clue about what his favourite colour was! Please don't judge me Father, I'm sure you understand! His test was- if I may- a load of utter junk. I know you and Mother would prefer me to learn the actual Dark Arts rather than Defence against them- but even the Defence would be better than his lessons.

I gave him some time- after all, as you say, a Malfoy always gives a chance- but his lessons were of no improvement. I have my lessons with the Ravenclaws, while Hufflepuff and Gryffindor share a lesson. I spoke to Wayne Hopkins (a Hufflepuff boy- I am exceedingly sorry, but I couldn't ask a _Gryffindor_ , could I?) – and he informed me that they also received the quiz. They had their first lesson before us, and Professor Lockhart apparently released a cage of pixies that caused so much havoc! Imagine if that had been me!

But all the same, I also believe that if he's trained, Gilderoy Lockhart would be a good... ally for you. I believe he doesn't work well in classrooms as he is used to the real world, which could be very good for you- it would be better for you than me, at the moment, I am learning nothing! Another reason why you must ease it out to Mother. The best I can say for him is that he is well written. And he does have that charm, I guess. But we paid money for those schoolbooks, and I would like to use them to the best purpose I can! Of course, we could've bought hundreds of those school books and still been able to buy more, but think about those poor families like the Weasley family! Oh no, that sounds awful! I only meant, Father, that there are people who can't afford them! I mean, I know that if they can't afford them or have not enough money, then they deserve nothing, but... well, my point was, his books aren't being used to their full purpose.

I know Mother doesn't obsess over Professor Lockhart, but it may have helped me if she did. Of course, I don't want her to, that's absurd, but... anyway. I was mortified when I received my test paper back. My mark, as you will have realised, was 11 out of 54. I was mortified- especially as I found out about everyone else! Granger got 100% as expected, which made me almost sink to my knees crying. Potter got 15, so he beat me by 4. However, Daphne cheered me up quite a bit with her logic- she reminded me that I got a good mark because- yes, it makes sense!- you don't want to get 100% because it means you're a nerd who pays that much attention and is obsessed with Professor Lockhart. And of course, I beat Weasley- Ronald, that is, though I probably also beat the rest too!

Anyway Father, I just felt it my duty to inform you as no one else is going to. I was also wondering about moving schools, perhaps, because the education here is a complete and utter abomination. Please don't be too harsh Father, and do tell me what the result is once you tell Mother.

Your loving son,

Draco

xxx

Dear Draco,

I thank you for writing to me to give me the details on that. I wrote to Dumbledore the moment I read your letter, but my reply was short and brief, saying unless I was willing to come in and teach Defence Against the Dark Arts and I gave him a formal complaint, no change would be made, apart from them having a talk with Professor Lockhart. And of course, I have plenty of better things to do than teach snivelling children... well, let's say, teaching them as opposed to what I've been doing for some of my life.

And I do have good news- while I did get the news out as sweetly as I could, it was nowhere near as bad as when she found out about your teacher last year. She didn't even start hexing the dummies again, it was just a resigned sigh. You see, those who went to school with Gilderoy Lockhart (like your mother and myself) never did seem to be as attracted to him. In our day, he was normal, I guess a bit above average, but really his fan club consisted of a few sad girls who were attracted by his looks. Even when he became famous, though his fame with others grew, those people in his year and older (who remembered him as an obnoxious brat) and even a few younger- they never fell for him. So I don't think your Mother was surprised. I think she'd been expecting it.

Now, now Draco- a Hufflepuff? I guess that will do, I have nothing against Hufflepuff really, just ... there are more... let's say, impressionable people. What is his blood status? Also, while I'm on the subject about blood status, don't ramble- that book paragraph was complete shambles. The cost doesn't matter, Merlin, we could buy books for everyone at Hogwarts and still have enough! So don't ramble, it's unbecoming of a pure blood.

Your mark? 11, it is extremely disappointing, but given the subject and manner of the test, I will make exceptions. I am very glad you put Weasley in his place. Still, by the time Hogwarts closes... for the Summer, I'll say... I don't think it will have been necessary, they'll be humble enough! I won't say anymore... in fact, just ignore me Draco. However, fear not Draco, I'm sure the Mudblood won't beat you in tests for much longer... you'll see what I mean soon, Draco.

I must go now Draco, please continue to inform me on everything- everything, not just Lockhart, that is. Tell me about everyone's attitudes, and if anything strange or abnormal happens.

Love, Father

xxx

 **AN: You know, I originally had this double update planned for earlier. I had literally almost finished Crabbe's test (I know it took ages, but you try being in the head of someone like Crabbe!) when I went to finish watching Goblet of Fire (did I mention how much I hate Wormtail again?). Anyway, when I came back, the computer was updating something, and I had to wait ages for it to restart and finish updating. And me, being the clever genius I am, didn't save it in the middle! So luckily I had finished this, but now have to do Crabbe's test again from question 9- I didn't want to make you wait any longer. But it'll be quicker cause I remember some of the answers. Lesson learned? Save your work!**

 **Also, I've been back for two days now, but I'm completely exhausted. Literally, whenever I get out the computer, I fall asleep. So yeah, I'm replying to any PMs, don't worry! I swear on the River Styx I will reply and update so, soon! I hope to by English evening :D**

 **And Happy Birthday Percy, (Percy Jackson, that is)!**

 **And I swear, next few updates will be actual quizzes! On that point, which do you prefer? Quizzes or other stuff? Now, I'm gonna shut up now, and if you're reading this and I'm reading on of your stories and you updated, I read them while I was away, but need to go and review them, so hang in there :D Okay, I'm really gonna shut up now. Remember to review, follow and favourite!**


	8. Crabbe's Answers

**Friday 21 August 2015**

 **AN: Heya :) Yep, here's my update. It would've been yesterday, BUT I somehow managed to delete my internet...? (God knows how I managed that). I think I accidentally downloaded something dodgy. Anyway, I had to uninstall everything because nothing was working.  
Thanks so much to my reviewers SilverCardinal, petethehotdog, AsgardGuardian, Jily71102 and Iris Stardust :) I was so happy when I saw all my reviews :)  
NOW...**

 **1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?  
** _I'm tired. This is a waste of time. Can I sleep? Okay, there is no point in this, what... why are people actually bothering to do it? Okay, I might as well... everyone else is bothering... but still... I expect he likes red, he's annoying and Gryffindor's annoying...  
_ Gryffindor

 **2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _I doubt it has anything to do with me... though it should be... I think it is something to do with him... that's probably right...but what to do with him... I don't know... probably to do something good or something stupid like that...  
_ To do something good

 **3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _I'm... so... tired... *_ yawn* _... who cares if I sleep, it'll keep up my reputation as stupidest... oh Merlin, Malfoy was bossing me yesterday... I deserve... just shove whatever down... *_ yawn* _...  
_ His face

 **4) When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _Oh shoot! How long was I asleep for? Ew, a date?  
_ 1819

 **5) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _How should I know this... Malfoy... why is he giving me a dirty look? He always thinks he's so good, doesn't he? Just because his father was favoured by HIM, it doesn't mean that I have to follow his orders, I'm not my dad... but I should probably put up with it, right? I don't know! Wait, I'm supposed to be answering a question.  
_ Two times

 **6) In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _What's a banshee? It sounds like somene banning a she, so...  
_ He told it to go away

 **7) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _By side, does he mean left or right? Well, maybe the same hand as he writes with... and he wrties with the same hand as me! So... which hand do I write with? Err... right... let me work this out... one sec... err... hmm... oh! Father said he has a snake tattoo on his... oh, left! On his left arm, which means I must write with my right!  
_ Right

 **8) Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _What does that mean? Pips sound like jam, but I don't think it means jam like that... maybe it means like pipsqueak... hang on! It says 'or just been', so the opposite of winning is losing! He's probably won...  
_ Won

 **9) What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?  
** _Err... it can't be toothpaste, cause I use toothpaste and my teeth aren't as shiny, so it has to be a special potion!  
_ A potion

 **10) What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _Well Malfoy thinks he's so good, it's probably named after him... I don't see why else he's actually good.  
_ Draco

 **11) Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _Ew, because people travel... and he probably bumps into Muggles and Mudbloods all the time, it's frightening... eurgh.  
_ Because it's always crowded abroad.

 **12) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _I dunno, how should I know? I'll just put the same as mine then. Wait, what's mine? Scrap that idea then... well, we have a willow tree at Hogwarts?  
_ Willow

 **13) What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _Eurgh, knew I should've listened to Malfoy when he was explaining it... obviously I know who the positions are, I'm pure blood, but when he was talking about who often plays what... well I'm sure he is just like Malfoy, so he'll be like Malfoy in this too.  
_ Seeker

 **14) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?  
** _How many years ago was that? Merlin, I don't even know... hang on, that was last year. What's his latest book? Well, it can't be a huge, huge number or he wouldn't be able to remember it, but it must be relatively big for him to make a deal out of it... an in between number...  
_ 11

 **15) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _I don't know any quotes... I can quote those poster that Dad showed me, the stuff he showed me about The Dark Lord... but I don't think that's it...  
_ A History of Magic by Gilderoy Lockhart

 **16) How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _Isn't a Siren one of those nee-naw things? I swear it is... so he would've just broken it to shut it up, right?  
_ He broke them

 **17) What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _Duh, Gryffindor, he's annoying, Gryffindor's annoying- bham!  
_ Gryffindor

 **18) In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _Letters are for sissies, no one sends them, he would get teased...  
_ None

 **19) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _Obvious again, it says in the question.  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart

 **20) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Well dummy, what's he teaching?  
_ Defence against the dark arts

 **21) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _What's his perfume brand called? Why? I don't use perfume, I'm a male! Sexist, much? Hang on... he's a man too. Great.  
_ Perfume

 **22) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _Well he's teaching us this, so what else?  
_ Defence

 **23) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _Probably potions cause Professor Snape hated him cause he was a Gryffindor  
_ Potions

 **24) How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _It's obvious, males can do way more than females.  
_ Cause males can actually work and females should cook.

 **25) Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _What does he face now?  
_ He was hungry  
He didn't like the food  
They didn't always have chocolate cupcakes for lunch

 **26) How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _1- himself. Ha ha... that was hilarious! That... was... amazing! I think I deserve an award for that, how smart and classy was that?! Ha...!  
_ 1.

 **27) Name three of those people.  
** _Oh. Three of those people... but there's only one... hmm... oh! I have it! I_ am _smarter than everyone thinks!  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart, Gilderoy Lockhart's dad, Gilderoy Lockhart's mum.

 **28) How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _How should I know?! Hang on... I was supposed to read them, wasn't I? Oops. Greg told me it was optional... well, Malfoy doesn't have any, so...  
_ None

 **29) Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _Probably same as his Valentine things... but more cause that's only 1 day, whereas this is per week. So... a bigger number...  
_ 12

 **30) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _Yum... sweets... chocolate... getting to the important stuff... d'you reckon he has some and will give us some? Ooh... maybe he likes cockroach cluster, I don't understand how people don't... mm... tasty... oh! He looks like the type of person to enjoy Slug Sherbet...  
_ Slug Sherbet

 **31) What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _Who's William Shakespeare? I don't even know... but wait! He's a Muggle, so he'd be denying any connection!  
_ He isn't related

 **32) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _What books do I know...? Our schoolbooks. Okay, anything else? Fine... which schoolbooks are there... hmm... okay, the one I can remember...  
_ The Standard Book of Spells Grade 1

 **33) What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _I don't know... probably the same as the other teachers... but what's that? Must I bother with this?  
_ His favourite one

 **34) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _I'm not sure ... butterbeer is nice, but he probably likes something boring like gillywater.  
_ Gillywater

 **35) In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _How should I know, you think I bothered to read the books?!  
_ Don't know

 **36) Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _What's the periodic table? And what's an element? Err... maybe... yeah! It's a food table, and so which food is named after him? Err...  
_ Heart sweets

 **37) What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _These questions are stupid, I think. How should I know? Well, actually... Malfoy said he wouldn't be surprised if Potter's first word was 'me', he's so arrogant (I still need to ask him what that means too, actually...). If it means famous, then it also applies to Lockhart!  
_ Me

 **38) Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _What? I don't know any... I'll come back to this later if I have time... why should I have to know Muggle books?_

 **39) Name the 'authors'  
** _I'll come back to it..._

 **40) How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _Which issue was that? My mum reads Witch Weekly... she said something about Gilderoy Lockhart I think... eurgh, scrap that... well I remember her showing me one of his books. That was probably the announcement!  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart published a book

 **41) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _Gilderoy Lockhart has a regret, shock horror! I'm still tired by the way... maybe that's his regret... yes, that must be it, it's mine at the moment...  
_ Waking up so early this morning

 **42) Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.**  
 _I only have one hero and inspirational figure and that's the Dark Lord_ _J_ _I wish he could hear that... maybe when he returns I'll be one of his most loyal followers and we'll rule the world together! Ah... when I rule the world... there'll be snakes. Lots and lots of them... and then I might be the second Dark Lord_ _J_ _He'd let me do that, wouldn't he? My dad said he was lenient, and I asked Greg what that meant, and he said it meant kind :D  
_ Nope

 **43) Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _Malfoy invited me and Greg over to his house, and I'll never forget the experience... I may not be bright, but I'm not as stupid as everyone seems to think... but maybe it's good, then they'll be surprised when Greg and I become as honoured as the Malfoys were...  
_ Lucius Malfoy

 **44) What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?  
** _Why can't he sleep at night? It's tiring being alive... everyone needs sleep... I can sleep as soon as I hit the bed... I'm tired... *yawn*... he's probably lying, what kind of person can't just immediately sleep?  
_ He always can sleep.

 **45) Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _Maybe when I'm older, I'll ask the Dark Lord if I can take over Hogwarts... ah yes... under my reign... and because He is so generous, of course he'll let me! Still, I haven't met him... I wonder if The Dark Lord is as nice as everyone says... but he sounds good. Lenient, forgiving, resourceful, power-hungry... and cause he's power hungry, he'll always have food with him which is good! ANYWAY... the question. Well, it's kinda obvious.  
_ Because he was offered it and because he doesn't like waking up.

 _4_ **6) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _I know! It's gonna be something to do with the Dark Lord, I bet!  
_ The Dark Lord's return

 **47) What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _Well... hmm... what do I really, really hate... oh! I know... it upsets me when Gryffindor gets points!  
_ When other houses win points

 **48) What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Oh! Ha, I did that to an ickle firstie this morning at breakfast... it was fun. Well, he was crying... so that's probably what Lockhart did too.  
_ Lockhart cried.

 **49) How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Oh? They're in good condition? I didn't notice that... still. Maybe he uses nail varnish. Lucius Malfoy uses nail varnish...  
_ He wears nail varnish

 **50) What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _Err... well McGonagall told me I had detention for not handing in homework last Christmas, so I would have detention later... that's probably it.  
_ "You have detention when you get back."

 **51) How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _Duh, like any normal person... any normal person who has hair... does... Well. Some. Normally, no one... I'm sorry, what kind of saddo brushes their hair?!  
_ He combs it with a brush

 **52) How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Who's Sisley Andrews? How am I supposed to answer the question if I don't know who Sisley Andrews is?!  
_ -

 **53) What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _Would he think it weird if I got up and sniffed him? Probably. Just wondering, how is this relevant to anything? Ew. Never mind. He probably uses lavender cause that makes you sleepy... and it's tiring, so... *yawn*  
_ Lavender

 **54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _Hmm... he'd probably like a lot of his books cause he's a nerd and annoying, so... but I dunno when his birthday is... it's probably the last day of a month knowing him, and he looks Summery, so...  
_ June 31

 _2/54…congratulations on the two you got right, 8 and 13… some were close, such as 51, but you didn't say it was natural and I didn't do anything to it, to get the marks. Well done anyway! I suggest you read some of my works more thoroughly, and over your answers, as a few of them didn't really make sense!  
-Gilderoy Lockhart_

 **AN: So... there ye go :D I'm gonna try to update soon, don't worry! I was thinking about trying to do a weekly update (especially when I finish my holiday), so I'll tell you what my plans are for that. AND YES, I know some of these answers probably don't even make sense- take answer 1, for example. In this, Crabbe is tired and doesn't want to do it. When I was writing some of them, I was extremely tired, and I've left them in cause they're genuine, kinda... so yeah, the mistakes are left in deliberately!  
And hey, congrats to everyone in England who got their GCSE results yesterday! I'm really proud of you!**


	9. Colin's Answers

**Sunday 11 October, 2015- UK time, like almost 2am :D** **  
AN: Hey guys! So, so sorry for the wait! Thanks to my reviewers, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, AsgardGuardian, Hades Child99 and Iris Stardust! Your reviews really made my day :)  
P.S. REMEMBER I WILL NEVER JUST ABANDON A STORY  
**

 **1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?** _  
_ _Oh my gosh it's a magical quiz! But... no one told me it was like this... oh no, I'm going to fail and then I'll fail Magic School and then my mum and dad will kill me and won't let Dennis come to Hogwarts even though he most likely is magic from what the teachers said and then if Emma's magic she won't be allowed to come either and all my siblings will hate me and it'll be all my- okay, Colin, breathe, no one else is freaking- well, no one else is freaking out because of this question, are they? Breathe and guess... just like you did in Maths last year at Primary school cause you had no idea of the answer.  
_ Blue

 **2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?  
** _Oh! I know this! Maybe that was a starter question! But I read this somewhere! Gilderoy Lokchart seemed cool, almost as cool as Harry! But obviously nowhere near as awesome, and I don't think Harry would photobomb a picture like Lockhart did at lunch... ouch, do you think he remembers that? Both of them... but, the question Colin! Come on, concentrate! Don't let Harry down!  
_ To have his own range of hair care potions.

 **3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?  
** _So many... apparently he saved some sort of Stone last year, and obviously when he was a baby, and not to forget the pure amazingness that radiates from him... which should I put? Well, the baby one is good... I'll put that.  
_ He defeated Voldemort when he was a baby.

 **4) When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?  
** _He hasn't even got a job yet... he's only 12 even! Geez!  
_ He will decide that in later life  
 _Hang on. That's...oops. That's Harry. Lockhart... I don't know... err… how… never mind. Same answer, I guess.  
_ He will decide in later life.

 **5) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?  
** _How many times has he won what? What's Witch Weekly? Something for Witches I guess… so nothing to do with Harry. Oh. But it's a charming smile award, so… he does actually have a nice smile, now I think about it. Not as nice as Harry's obviously, but… hey! I know what! It's a competition every week! So that would be a few times, then Harry would beat him a few more…  
Hang on. At the beginning of the lesson, he said '5 times winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award'. Ohhh!  
_5

 **6) In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?  
** _I know this! It's always good to be prepared! Magical world! Ah, love it! And of course, you need to read everything and try to get 100%! Yeah Colin, you're gonna get 100% and everything's gonna be totally awesome and you'll know everything! Hopefully.  
_ He stunned a banshee and bound it in ropes and took it to the reform school in Greenland for mean creatures.

 **7) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?  
** _Oh! He was standing on the left earlier! When he and Harry took a picture…  
_ Left

 **8) Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?  
** _Oh I'm sure he's won before! If he's anything like Harry, then of course he has! And to be honest, Harry… well, Harry wouldn't have let Professor Lockhart take a picture with him if Professor Lockhart was incompetent, would he?  
_ He's won

 **9) What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?  
** _Oops… haha didn't realise he was famous… well I knew that HE was famous… just not about his smile. His teeth. Meh. He probably drinks loads of milk, dad says me and Dennis and Emma have nice white teeth because we drink all of our milk! And that Mummy's teeth will never be as nice as ours because she doesn't drink it. I don't know how someone couldn't like milk actually.  
_ He drinks a lot of milk

 **10) What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?  
** _Duh this is obvious! Why would it even be a question? You can tell from how he helped him and took a picture with him earlier.  
_ Harry

 **11) Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?  
** _…_ _wouldn't this just be because he's famous? Not as famous as Harry obviously, but…  
_ Because he's famous

 **12) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?  
** _But… I don't know any wand woods… only mine… hmm. He probably won't have the same as me, probably same as Harry, because they're brave and wonderful and amazing… and I'm… just Colin. Just Colin. But I don't know what Harry's is either… OH MY GOSH WHAT KIND OF A FANBOY AM I?! Never mind, we have a Silver birch near our house…  
_ Silver birch

 **13) What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?  
** _Ooh same as Harry I think! Someone said Harry was the youngest seeker in a century! Ha, that means he beat out Professor Lockhart! Still, it would've been the same position, right?  
_ Seeker

 **14) How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?  
** _Haha that's funny. Okay Colin, shut up, no it isn't. But it is. I mean, come on, it's a question! BUT I'm being irrelevant and eurgh! Okay, I don't even know, but it's obviously not that many times… how about same as the award? One per time_ _J_ _  
_5

 **15) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?  
** _Err… I don't remember anything specific said by Harry. Obviously it's by him, but… whatever, I'll just write something heroic, or something… okay, that's pretty good. I think it sounds like Harry. Right?  
_ 'I'm not wonderful. Don't tell me I am. I'm not being noble. I just know I've got to save my friends first.' –Harry Potter

 **16) How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?  
** _Oh I read this somewhere… it was something like this anyway  
_ The sirens fell in love with him because he's wonderful

 **17) What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?  
** _I would think he's with us Brave Lions, but… he says otherwise.  
_ Ravenclaw

 **18) In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?  
** _Fifth year… specific, much. Probably quite a few then…  
_ 15

 **19) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?  
** _…_ _I dunno. Is that including Middle names? Well it doesn't specify!  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart

 **20) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?  
** _Duh what's he teaching?!  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **21) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?  
** _Haha is there a reason why Perfumania sounds so cool? Well maybe if I put that, it'll be right, and I'll be all like "Oh yeah, I'm psychic, The Colin is physic!" Oh! I could come up with like a gang name! The Colster… or maybe Colser… THE Colser… hmm… anyway, focus Colser- I mean, Colin…  
_ Perfumania

 **22) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?  
** _Err… again, hopefully the subject he's teaching. Right?  
_ Defence Against the Dark Arts

 **23) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?  
** _I dunno. Haha. He has one? Then again, this IS Gilderoy Lockhart we're talking about, not Harry… right? Well, gotta be something… I dunno, maybe Charms or something…  
_ Charms

 **24) How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?  
** _He is? I mean, he is! But… why superior? Aren't all human beings equal? Why would he be superior? I don't think he is. I think this is a trick question. I mean, on the superiority scale, it's Harry at the top, then everyone else… so…  
_ They didn't

 **25) Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.  
** _Can I put 1) He wasn't Harry, 2) He's not Harry, and 3) He never will be Harry? No… hmm. Probably same- or similar- types of problems that Harry faces…  
_ 1) People were jealous of him  
2) People underestimated him  
3) No one understood him properly

 **26) How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _How many… err… well on the next question, it says list 3. So… err… 5 again. Because everything's 5!  
_ 5

 **27) Name three of those people.  
** _I don't know any people! Just list some random people! Come on Colin… okay, so let's list random names…  
_ 1) Daren Lopen  
2) Frank Bold  
3) Percy Gull

 **28) How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?  
** _…_ _Harry doesn't have any siblings… but it said how did his mum know he was superior to his older sisters… ah, well…  
_ None

 **29) Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?  
** _He receives love letters?! Bet he doesn't get as many as Harry does! BUT Harry's like 12. He won't be getting love letters. I'd say he'll get loads when he's older and Professor Lockhart must have a few too then…  
_ 15 per week.

 **30) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?  
** _Ooh! I personally love Sherbet lemons, but… it's strange really, because Emma and Dennis both have some obsession with aniseed balls, but I really don't like them. They're just so… eurgh. Still. But maybe he shares the same favourite as me? Or maybe he likes jelly babies. BUT he wouldn't. No. So… Hmm… whatever, just put something down Colin!  
_ Rosy Apples

 **31) What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?  
** _Oh! I know who Shakespeare is! But relation… haha probably a few generations. Err… okay then, How about… let's just shove in a few greats and see where that gets us…  
_ Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson

 **32) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?  
** _I bet it's one about Harry! I would say one written by him, but I don't think he's written any… has he?! Well, there was one I saw in Flourish and Blotts… I think it was about him… well I assume so!  
_ The Potter Legacy

 **33) What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?  
** _Err… oh, he's got a bottle of green ink on the desk!  
_ Green

 **34) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?  
** _Oh! I really like cranberry juice, but that might just be me. I think it is actually. Because he's an adult and supposedly mature. But Harry might like cranberry juice! Ah, well. Maybe he likes wine!  
_ Wine

 **35) In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?  
** _I should say yes, it's the polite thing to do…  
_ Yes

 **36) Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Huh? We haven't learnt about the Periodic Table yet, that's not fair! There aren't any, I swear!  
_ There aren't any.

 **37) What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?  
** _Aw! That's cute, just imagine a little baby Harry- I mean, Gilderoy Lockhart- toddling about! Of course,a ll babies are cute_ _J_ _He probably has the same first word as loads… so… mummy or daddy?  
_ Mummy

 **38) Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?  
** _Oh! I could list 5 Muggle books… but the authors!? Err… well. Maybe. Whatever, just list 5 random Muggle books!  
_ The Naughtiest Girl in the School  
The Naughtiest Girl is a Monitor  
Hurrah for the Circus  
The Famous Five  
The Secret Seven

 **39) Name the 'authors'  
** _Hang on, they're all by the same person… eurgh, whatever! I hope not all magic quizzes are like this, it's not really what I read about…  
_ Enid Blyton

 **40) How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?  
** _Issue? I thought it was a competition… ah well. Maybe it's like a review of the competition… well probably says that he's a winner or something…  
_ "He's a winner"

 **41) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?  
** _I know! Probably something… I bet he wishes he could've been like Harry… I mean… doesn't everyone?!  
_ He wishes he could be like Harry

 **42) Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.  
** _No… not really… but I should be… well, I guess I should be polite? Right? And just say yes to both… but it's not true. Ah well.  
_ Yes to both

 **43) Who is the most famous person you've ever met?  
** _OH MY GOSH IS THIS AN ACTUAL QUESTION I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER MET HIM I BREATHED THE SAME AIR AS HIM AND SIGNATURE AND STUFF AND ARGH!  
_ Harry Potter

 **44) What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?  
** _Does he ever say that? Maybe he dreams about Harry… okay, that's just creepy! He does what everyone does!  
_ He counts sheep

 **45) Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?  
** _Well, obviously he knew he would be blinded by Harry's awesomness, but… oh I know why he took it up!  
_ He took it up because he knew he would get a chance to have a photo taken with Harry, but was reluctant to do so because he would be blinded by Harry's total awesomness.

 **46) What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?  
** _Probably something about losing his powers… I know that I'd be devastated if I lost all my powers. And to be honest, if I found out I was actually a Muggle… oh dear, I do hope Emma's not a Muggle… she'll be devastated if me and Dennis both come to Hogwarts and she doesn't…  
_ Losing his magic

 **47) What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?  
** _Well, it really upsets me when people insult others, and especially Harry. And I'm sure Professor Lockhart hate that too- I mean, that's what would upset any decent person the most…  
_ When people are mean, especially to Harry Potter

 **48) What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?  
** _Well, the key word is 'tried', right? So I guess it didn't work.  
_ Gilderoy Lockhart took his wand back and didn't get insulted.

 **49) How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?  
** _Does he? I bet Harry does it naturally, eurgh… well, he probably uses a spell! I mean, he's magic and this is a magical world, so that makes sense!  
_ He uses a spell

 **50) What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?  
** _Oh! The professors talk to you before you leave! That's really cool! Like, seriously. This world is so welcoming and everything… I think I'm going to like it here! But anyway! What did they say! Probably something nice… I hope :D  
_ "Gilderoy, we'll miss you. It's been a pleasure to teach you for these 7 years. Good ,uck."

 **51) How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?  
** _Ooh! I bet he uses a spell for that too! I mean, Harry's hair is always kinda messy, but he's new to the magic world- that's a similarity between us! Wow! Anyway, Gilderoy Lockhart's been here way longer! SO he probably knows a spell!  
_ He uses a spell

 **52) How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?  
** _Ah I assume he saved her… right? I mean, he's Gilderoy freakin Lockhart! He can do anything! He's magic!  
_ He saved her

 **53) What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?  
** _Oh! May I just say, that the best flavour is coconut and raspberry?! That's amazing, no kidding! He probably uses that too_ _J_ _Actually, I'm gonna put something else, he doesn't really look like a coconutty person actually… hmm… he sounds like… a… a…  
_ Elderflower and lotus flower

 **54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?  
** _Oh… this is the last question! That actually went surprisingly quickly! I dunno when his birthday is… maybe it's near Harry's! That's 31 July, and so… hmm… and what would he like? Oh, well I always love getting stationary and stuff- well, a quill pen, it would be. So I'm sure he'd love that/  
_ 31 June, and he'd like a quill

Well done Colin! You got a score of 15/54! There were some where you really could've been more specific, and I would've loved to give you the marks, but I couldn't (take question 52 as an example) and in a way, I was overly generous with other questions, but congratulations on questions2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 16, 17, 25, 27, 35, 38, 39 and 42!

 **AN: Well? Sorry about the wait, but I've been failing Maths tests and such and I kinda forgot about the story... *shamed face* But on the bright side, hey! I've updated!So... reviews? Follows? Favourites? I'm sorry I've been such a bad account owner! *cries in a corner* Okay, this is very bad, I've forgotten what I normally write...  
Okay, but first I want to say- it's been over 6 months since I got my account. And to me, the amount of people who support me and my stories- it's priceless. Maybe to others it's nothing, but to me, it's everything. I wanted to post this on my half birthday, but... :D  
Also, I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE J.K. ROWLING HAS OFFICIALLY SAID SIRIUS' BIRTHDAY YES!  
It's 3rd November, by the way :D  
And one last thing- I think I'm becoming addicted to Once Upon A Time...  
AND WHO IS WATCHING THE NEW DOCTOR WHO SERIES?!  
Okay, and with these notes, I leave you :D Sorry about this long AN!  
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D**


End file.
